I'm having maths lesson now. Didn't do well for maths test. A single digit. Loads of careless stupid mistake. But well, expected cos I'm careless and stupid too.
Looking at Charlene's blog kinda dampened my mood. Haven't been in a happy mood today. Today totally was emoing and moody. The weather kinda bad also. ( realised it's raining alr). No sunshine and no smiles in the sky. Looking at the back of his head makes me feel very sad. Even the back of his head. That moment I imagined his body next to mine. The hard chest muscles and packs under that tight uniform. ( I'm not a pervert, i just miss him too badly. Yes, he was the best of my life. The guy that was so perfect. If perfect then why is it so that we can't walk this journey together anymore?
I have to get over him. I have to live my life anew, for myself and not for him. I have to study for myself, I have to work towards a scholarship to UK not because he is going there too. I just need to. Will you be there in UK? Will we have rekindled love? Haha. That's all too far and my heart aches to even think about that. You don't seem to miss my presence. You don't seem to want me there. You seem so fine, like the first time I met you. So well, since you're doing fine. I should be happy. Loving you was the best thing that happened to me this year. And I can only thank you for letting me love you even though it was just a short 6 months.
I'm going clubbing on the 31st after Nike Human Race. I know it's dumb when I'm tired. But I need to numb myself. With the people around me. Though many are serious jerks and well even sluts I will meet that day. But I want to be them for the day. To not worry and get high. Only by then I can feel numb. I can numb the senses of pain and unhappiness and even the unwillingness to let go. I'm gonna party, drink, smoke and club. No one can stop me. I need this ironically to feel that I'm alive. So yeah, just once, let me become someone I am but yet was left in the hiding. I don't wanna be that stupid good girl, cos' I'm not. So don't stop me, don't you dare.
dance and music fanatic,
dance choreographer,
shopaholic and
student at Temasek Jc