Hey, I know. I havent been blogging since many many weeks ago. Seriously, I've been so busy preparing for Promos that I'm kinda very stressed over it. Everything seems to be fine and going, but promos are in ten days time? Being a pessimist, what if i fail? What if I get retained? What if i can't continue with my 4H2? What if... There's so many what ifs in my brain everyday that I somehow find it difficult to continue at this pace. Somehow, I'm suffering from insomnia. Some people of course say eh, good thing. Got more time to study cos' you don't need to sleep. It's not I don't need. It's just that everytime I wanna sleep at night, my brain tells me I've got so much to do. I can't get to sleep unless I lie in bed for 2 hours. For those that have been there for me(: I thank you alot. Esp the F3 and Mr Ho. I continued doing exercises before I sleep, going back to my abs training and somehow, I can sleep earlier at least. (duh, cos it's tiring.) Haha.
I'm so looking forward to after promos cos there will be so much more time for me and myself (: Haha, I can start my online busiess again, bringing in some cash to get me through the next year(: Haha

Yes, that's all for now, cos' I'm tired.
Wish me luck(: Love, bel

Yes, it's been a long time since the last update.

Hey, I've been so freaking busy with everything. Example, PW and Promos preparation. It's all making me so stressed and damn tired out. I kinda hate JC life. I mean yes, people in Poly might say that they are suffering the same fate. But I won't know unless I'm in it. And likewise they won't know unless they are in my position too. Every day's time table is so freaking pack. With HC stuff and functions. thank God for now they all ended. For now that is. Life is so stressful, seriously life is a total no joke thing. It's like 20days more to my Promos and yet well, I'm not prepared at all. Oh my, I'm freaking out again. Bio, Chem, Maths and Econs. How to cope with all 4 h2s, and to get all Passes? I don't wanna drop any H2. I'm freaking stressed. What if i can't do it? What if i study damn hard and yet I still fail? WHAT IF i get retained or even worse, kicked out of TJC! ARGH>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Now I'm suffocating. I've gotta rush PW stuff due today. Sigh. And then, more to study. CHEMISTRY- all the shitty organic chem.
Seriously, chemistry is a quite easy subject cos' it's very straightforward. But I'm kinda afraid of chem. I'm rejecting chemistry in my life now. Damn ironic. Easy yet I fear it.
You know what, I have enough. I need to do something about my life now. Pick it up from here or continue dropping down into the stupid mud. No! I don't want any mud on me, I don't want to be stuck down under the mud. I want to be on top. On the stage, gleaming with happiness. Not sobbing and crying over spilled milk! I've gotta do something. Somebody help me! ):

Mrs Lim left already on Monday, we all kinda couldn't hold back our tears. Lihui started crying and so did I. The guys didn't cry but I could feel how much they missed her even with the very moment she stopped teaching us. (: They were a little teary but didn't let people see their weak side. Haha. I miss Mrs Lim already, hope she's doing well there in California. And hope she gets to enjoy herself and enjoy her so long after honeymoon she didn't manage to take when she first got married(: Missing you Mrs Lim, you were always so caring and kind. Take care!
And happy pregnancy ( not that your pregnant) Haha

GOTTA GO DO SOMETHING MORE ABOUT MY DAMNED LIFE(:
bb

Freak pissed.

Mum's like nagging at me on and on....
I'm talking to Mr Ho and he told me to go get a filter to filter the contents la. I said to ask him to make one for me, but he say individual spectrum different. Haha. Then I asked him for the strongest and he said no stock. What a joke man! (:
Sometimes I really wonder why I have such parents. Parents who don't give a damn about some things and give too much a damn about others. For example if I did well especially in my O's, she didn't freaking say anything. And when she does say something, she says I have to do better cos my sister did quite ok. So what? Comparing me? And saying things like that? What parents?! Plus she is so freaking calculative that she wants to collect back all the money she spent on me when I grow up next time. Please la, when I give birth and have my own children I will have to spend loads of money on them too. And I will then ask them for money is it? It's a cycle, ok!?!

GTG bb

Heyhey. I'm kinda irritated by the fact that people are asking me whether I smoke cos' my nic is "I'm a smoking chimney". I didn't smoke ok. Maybe thought of it only. So don't panic you guys! (:
Ok, today I went to see my normal doctor thing. And freak man. I spent like 2-3 hours at the hospital. What the hell la. I am already damn tired and somemore I have to wait that long. So I complained to the woman and yelled at her. Nah, maybe not yell. Haha. (: And yes, I'm suffering from a bad headache now. And I'm in a bloody bad mood at this very moment. Head feels spinny and yeah. Hope I don't faint like the girl who did today. Poor thing!

And yes, tomorrow there is botak man's test. My my, confirm fail and he will have the entertainment of his life- scolding me ):

Gotta go, wanna catch a little nap before I do my work and study.
Ciao!(:

Happy happy happy

House function was a blast today! Woohoo! (: And i'm damn tired now, so nights! LOL

(:

It's finally over.

I'm having maths lesson now. Didn't do well for maths test. A single digit. Loads of careless stupid mistake. But well, expected cos I'm careless and stupid too.

Looking at Charlene's blog kinda dampened my mood. Haven't been in a happy mood today. Today totally was emoing and moody. The weather kinda bad also. ( realised it's raining alr). No sunshine and no smiles in the sky. Looking at the back of his head makes me feel very sad. Even the back of his head. That moment I imagined his body next to mine. The hard chest muscles and packs under that tight uniform. ( I'm not a pervert, i just miss him too badly. Yes, he was the best of my life. The guy that was so perfect.
If perfect then why is it so that we can't walk this journey together anymore?

I have to get over him. I have to live my life anew, for myself and not for him. I have to study for myself, I have to work towards a scholarship to UK not because he is going there too. I just need to. Will you be there in UK? Will we have rekindled love? Haha. That's all too far and my heart aches to even think about that.
You don't seem to miss my presence. You don't seem to want me there. You seem so fine, like the first time I met you. So well, since you're doing fine. I should be happy. Loving you was the best thing that happened to me this year. And I can only thank you for letting me love you even though it was just a short 6 months.

I'm going clubbing on the 31st after Nike Human Race. I know it's dumb when I'm tired. But I need to numb myself. With the people around me. Though many are serious jerks and well even sluts I will meet that day. But I want to be them for the day. To not worry and get high. Only by then I can feel numb. I can numb the senses of pain and unhappiness and even the unwillingness to let go. I'm gonna party, drink, smoke and club. No one can stop me.
I need this ironically to feel that I'm alive. So yeah, just once, let me become someone I am but yet was left in the hiding. I don't wanna be that stupid good girl, cos' I'm not. So don't stop me, don't you dare.

loads to rant, but decide not to.

Hey, I had this really weird dream. Felt very sad, and really painful in my heart as I remembered. It was about me losing my BF. But well, that didn't happen cos' Matthew came back alive from his race.
Anyhow, I was trying to do biology. As in read the notes and maybe make some notes on my own. But somehow right, I just can't settle down. Like as though my butt has durian spikes. Sigh ): So yeah, finally managed to spend an hour on Genetics of Viruses. Hard work believe me. Though it was kinda easy to grasp the content. Not like organization and control of eukaryotic or prokaryotic genome. That's real tough. Super, the ultimate! So here I am, taking my well deserved half an hour break.
I spent the morning watching gymnastics Olympics on Channel 5. OMG, for the guys' team yesterday I totally support Italy. But for the girls' team today, I totally think Romania rocks! (: The girls are so pretty, elegant and so so good at it. There were of course mistakes, disappointment and tears. But well, the girls handled it quite well I guess. Seriously, China's gymnasts are superb. Though young like maybe 10? They are like super uper good, and are highest in ranking currently. There was this girl, He Ke Xin I guess, she was so good. But she slipped off the bar. Like WTH, everything was super uper perfect you know. But well, she got quite high points though she fell. Cos' she really deserved it. The poise, the speed, the actions and even the landing. No words can describe that fantastic show she put on for the audience. Man, how I wished I could have learnt gymnasts from the start ): Well, now I'm just too old and fat.
And yes, talking about fat. I've decided to start training up for Nike Human Race. Yes, I'm not running but well. At least i must be able to walk the whole thing through la. Or else so paisei. Haha. (: Today's weather was hell. Wanted to go Sentosa, but firstly no one's interested. And secondly, it rained heavily. Sigh, my wishes are always not fulfilled, but rather gone against by God' will. Why?! (Sorry, a little too drama here)

AND(!) I actually went for a family dinner at a 7th month celebration thing. OMG, seriously the food is marvellous. The suckling pig, and even the cold dish. It's wonderful. Uncle says next year there will still be such an event with the same company food. Woohoo!
But again, more reasons to exercise now, cos' I ate loads yesterday. Gonna run later (: And climb some stairs. Get this lazy bod to work it out (:

Anyway gotta go, making use of my time wisely before I'm back at viruses. Haha. Mugging period/ Intensive starts now! (: